A Vision of Students Today.

I still don't don't know what to think about this. And my emotions are just as mixed, but I know one thing for sure, this doesn't sound good.

Lesson from car washing.

Today I learned that 14 yr. girls DO NOT belong on the roofs of cars, even if they are just trying to wash the roof of the car.

Sad Days...

6 things about Manic Depression;

1: your laughing and joking one day, the next you won't even talk to your family.

2: there's no warning

3: The lows and highs can last a few days to a few months.

4: It effects everyone who cares about you.

5: It's really really hard to break some one out of their bad mood.

6: It's even harder to have more than one family member who has it.

I hate when we have days like this...I forgot what it's like to live with a person with mood swings like this.

I'm begenning to dread the family reunion coming up, to many relatives, with it, staying with us for who knows how long...L8r.

Upside Down Stranger.

Every now and then a stranger comes into our life and turns everything upside down, then disappears. Sometimes it's a good thing. Because though their not always meant to stay, they can do what we can not, see with a different view.

Sweater/Skirt

This is actually my sweater, but my step-sis had a wee problem when we went hiking. lol. so I had to turn it into a skirt for her.

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Update.

My sister is seeming more and more bipolar everyday (though she's not). My dad has seemed to forgotten the last 3 years when he was trying to improve himself and control his anger. My mother has given up the idea of independence, and has be come very mellow and the good natured mother I never had to my stepsibs. My grandma is as grouchy and hard of hearing as ever. And the highlight of my night was making patterns while I washed the dishes oh and finishing two books. Life's just great these days. (note the sarcasm) L8r I've got to go get ready for yet another day in front of the computer screen.

P.S. Sorry about the whining.

Whatever.

Tired. Weary. Drained. Beat. Fatigued. Worn-out.

Take your pick, it doesn't matter which they all fit me perfectly lately.

But that fact doesn't matter either, it never has with my family. The example and one of the many unspoken mottos is push it aside and keep pushing. And my sister and I have had it successfully drilled into our subconcious, whether any of us knew it or not. Sure it has it's ups and downs, up would be; sleep deprivation, hunger, stress, and worry as well as other things, don't usually get in our way. Unless their severe of course.

Down side, we push ourselves so far that when we finally complete whatever we were striving for, we don't feel happy we feel relieved. And our health is never all that great.

I don't know why I'm moaning, I just started writing and this is what came out.

Sorry everybody.

I wanted to talk about a bunch of other things, but like most things these days, I can't figure out how to get them from just thoughts to actually written or spoken words.

Well I got to go. I'm not really going to get a break from school work this year, so to everyone who is getting a break, enjoy. I got to get back to work so I can show something to my dad when he gets home. L8r.

All Day Bother.

Just the other day, I hopped on a plane and am now visiting family. But all day yesterday, and a good portion of today I've been, preocupied... with one question.

Is this really reality?

For some reason it really bothers me. And the answer to it is somewhat elusive and hazy. Well I'm tired and have to get up early tomorrow. L8r.

View on Fate.

I like to think that, when we enter our world, we all pull straws from the universes hands. Some get short ends, while others long. That is how we start life, coping with the fortune we got, but from there on, our choices rule our lives. Since we control the choices we make, we control what we become. We all travel down rocky paths, with fragile cliffs hanging just above our heads. Fate is just what we call the end results of how well we've worked with what fell in our paths.

Dying is inevitable, it will come.

But Fate is just a title, for the conclusion right before our end.

Preordained is something, fate is not.

...at least not in my eyes.

What I Thought but Didn't Say.

"Try to stay One step ahead of the game." -Dad.

That's what I'm trying to do.

"Just keep as many doors as you can open" -stepdad.

How? I can't even see them all.

"Work really hard now, so you can enjoy things later." -mom.

Like you do? Then'll I'll never get to enjoy anything.

"Aim for the Ideal; getting paid for what you love to do." -stepdad.

But how do I find what I love to do?

"Enjoy being a kid now, because you never get to be one again." -mom.

Then why do you scold me everytime I do so?

"Focus! Just get through it." -dad.

Easier said than done.

"Try your best, and give everything your all." -mom and dad.

Like you guys did? Should I burn out and fall apart the same way too?

"Learn from the past." -unknown.

I try to, but sometimes I get lost in what use to be, and forget to plan for what is going to be.

~~~

Just a few off the top of my head, but there are so many times I've kept my mouth shut that it's hard to remember them all.

Grave.

I am digging my own grave and I can't seem to stop...