Shots.

Doctors and nurses, are usually really nice...until they get a needle in their hand.
Long story short...I hate shots.

School's finally out....for me.

It's finally done. I am officially out of school. *relieved sigh*.

Unspoken.

There is so much I don't tell the ones I love, that I wonder what they don't tell me.

Introspection.

Supposedly I do too much of it...

Death Note.

So I just finished watching the anime series, Death Note.

It was...interesting, to say the least. It was definitely unique, the plot was like none I had ever come across. I enjoyed watching it even though I thought it to be on the pyschotic side. Well L8r.

In my hands.

Last year, I got the stupid notion into my head that my parents had no control over me. I knew it wasn't true and quickly got rid of the bad epiphany. However, it is turning out to be true, and my parents are starting to catch on. Just the other day, my Dad quite plainly told me he didn't know what to do with me, had no control over me and that if I wanted to continue visiting and being his daughter I had to get my act together and shape up. And this past year my mother has been saying they same thing.

They don't know what to do with me.

They know it and so do I.

Their punishments aren't working and I have trouble taking them seriously. There are no incentives they can use, and no material thing I have that they can take away, and I have things set up in a way, that the things I want the most are also necessities. I've done it, I've finally gotten around all their rules.

They know it and so do I.

But now that means I have to be my own boundary, something I'm not very good at.

Their leaving the big choices up to me. I quite literally have the choice and power to direct my own life now. I don't know if I'm ready. I'm not free. I just have more responsiblity. Now the consequences of my own decisions, are going to fall on my head.

They know it, and I'm starting to catch on.

The world is drawing ever near, and I'm not sure if I'm ready.

I like the rain. Especially in the summer.

Good Mood.

I am in a very good mood, and I have no idea why. In fact I have no reason to be in a good mood, at least not according to my parents and the rest of the world. Why? Because I have gotten absoluely nothing done today. Yet I'm in a good mood, it's most likely due to the fact that my moods and feelings aren't usually directed by outside influences. My heart marches to its own beat and changes for no one and nothing. To the great irritation of myself and my mind. Well I going to go do as much work as possible, because I'm in a working mood as well. L8r.

Break

Do I look like a scratching post to my family? Everytime one of them is under a lot of pressure they either lash out at me or tell me all their problems. It's one thing for my little sister to do it, it's entirely different when my parents do it as well. I'm always the damn punching bag (not pyhsically), or the shoulder to cry on, or the ear they whine to, yet asking to be even listened to for just five minutes, seems to hard for them to understand!

*sigh* I am so sick of family right now. I love them but right now...I need a break.

The 4th and Reunions.

Family Reunions are NUTZ!!! Especially with big families. There was quite possibly 150-200 people or more, tonight alone. And this is only my grandma's side of the family. All sides of my family is big. I honestly don't even know a quater of my family's names. And there's still another day of gathering. *sigh*, on top of that I'm still in school. Yeah this week is just great. Wish me Luck. Oh and just in case I don't get on tomorrow, HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY. Hope everyone has a good Independence day. L8r.

Being Alone is no fun.

Being lonely is even worse.

Almost every day out of this year I have been alone at least one to four hours a day, stuck inside the house for months at a time. With no friends to call, only family to talk to (I don't because they never listen), and these blogs.

Thanks everyone for reading my blogs, this year they have been my only connection to sanity.